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Achievements unlocked

July 21, 2012

One of the many things I do with my free time instead of posting to this blog is playing dumb video games late at night. I've just come to the end of a compulsive, sugar-fueled binge of RPG games including Mass Effect 2, Fallout 3, Skyrim, and now finally Mass Effect 3. (An unspeakable number of hours and also brain cells died in this campaign.)

Mass Effect 3 is a vast space opera in which you kill bad guys, romance your crew, and save the galaxy by answering a series of multiple-choice questions. You may have also heard that it has many different endings depending on your actions. I got the crappy ending. (It's okay, though, I watched the other endings on YouTube. Good enough for me!)

A lot of people were upset about the final scene, but personally I feel more jilted by the lack of XBox 360 Achievements that properly recognized my in-game efforts. Here are a few achievements that I deserve, and would have received if they existed in the game:

Inbox zero:
Actually read every email and background info paragraph from the in-game computer.
Den mom:
Ask every person on the ship about their feelings.
Bad luck charm:
Get every recurring character from Mass Effect 2 killed.
Galactic gopher:
Fetch every last trinket and scrap of paper you are told to obtain, by anybody in the game, anywhere in the galaxy.
Don Juan:
After the cut scene that gives you an achievement for romancing one of your crew, never speak to that person again.
Busybody:
Eavesdrop on every possible conversation on the Citadel.
Ayn Rand:
Give an inspirational speech to your crew of 5 minutes or longer.
Game tester:
Die more than 30 times trying to beat the final battle despite having found the entire game up to that point very easy.
Poor reflexes:
Miss every "pull trigger to hug/punch" quick-time event during the cut scenes.
Thousand mile stare:
Wait a combined total of 3 hours for the game to load the next level.

Posted by rus at 06:41 PM

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