Another year, another trip to back East, another bought of driving my poor, apparently impoverished mother's crappy 12 year old Ford Taurus around, dealing with whatever it's affliction is this time.

This year we have an engine block (with 213,000 miles!) that leaks oil onto the exhaust manifold at a rate of approximately 1 quart every 250 miles. The oil smoke is then sucked directly into the cabin, where it accumulates in a greasy film on the windshield, steering wheel, and in my lungs.

This isn't so bad when you can have the windows down, but since it's 23 degrees out, this is less of an option. So after only day 2 of driving it, I have already developed a kind of gross, liquid-sounding cough that I've decided to call "Taurus Lung".

Can we all please work together to shame her into buying a new goddamned car?