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Technical Support
My cousin's laptop has finally died, in part because he takes it to 3rd world countries and uses it as a bullet shield. I always assumed that the greatest satisfaction of a technical support person's job is to uncover some really hilarious user error... I always imagine it would be something like this:

Support: Apple Technical Support, this is Jessica, how can I help you?
Caller: My laptop is not working.
Support: In what way?
Caller: Well the buttons don't seem to do anything.
Support: What do you see on the screen?
Caller: Nothing.
Support: Is it on?
Caller: I don't know.
Support: Can you press the power button? What happens?
Caller: It makes a noise.
Support: What kind of noise?
Caller: Like, a buzzing noise.
Support: Is it plugged in, or on batteries?
Caller: It's plugged in.
Support: So...
Caller: But it's not working.
Support: So when did this start happening?
Caller: Last week.
Support: And did you do anything between when it last worked and when it stopped working?
Caller: Well I went on vacation.
Support: And was the laptop on while you were gone?
Caller: Yes. I had it with me.
Support: Ah. And so did it work at some point on your vacation? Maybe some problem from checking it on the airplane?
Caller: Oh no, it worked on the airplane. I was using it right up until it stopped working.
Support: Oh, well was there an error message on the screen?
Caller: Not sure, I didn't see.
Support: Oh, was someone else using it?
Caller: No, but it wasn't in my hands right before it stopped working.
Support: You mean you left it running unattended?
Caller: No, I was right there when it slipped out of my hands.
Support: Wait, so you dropped it?
Caller: Well yeah.
Support: Did it fall onto a hard surface, or sustain a severe impact?
Caller: No, I wouldn't say that it took an impact.
Support: So you caught it? Or it fell onto something soft? What did it fall onto?
Caller: A lake.
Support: Uh, so it got wet?
Caller: Well I dried it off. And there were some lights on it when I got it out of the lake.
Support: So it was working?
Caller: Well, not after the fire.
Support: It was on fire?
Caller: No, but it was near the fire. To dry it off.
Support: And that's when it stopped working?
Caller: Well it was hard to tell because I couldn't open it.
Support: Why not?
Caller: Well the screen latch had melted.
Support: Sir, I think I've determined the cause of the problem.
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